So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
