i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
