You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
