she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
