If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
FUCK WHALES
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
