Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
