She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
