1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
