not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
