I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
