your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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