The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
