Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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