PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
