So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
