Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
