I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
