ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
