I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
