I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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