it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
