I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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