TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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