he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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