Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
