I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
