i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
