is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's always time for handjobs
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
