She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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