my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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