Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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