Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
