I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
