btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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