positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Found the puke drawer
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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