Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Life is so much better after having sex.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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