Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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