Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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