WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
