I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
