separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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