Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
