I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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