did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
