so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
