you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
