i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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