Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
