Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
