I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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